when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
