Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
