Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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