please come you make the beer taste better
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
