i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
