it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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