a search helicopter?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
