Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I want a musical about memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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