Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
