First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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