apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
