I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
