Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
