hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
