hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
