Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
