It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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