so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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