3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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