I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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