So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
