i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
