Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
