She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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