im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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