The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
