Whoa Z and x make the same sound
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
