You smell like a Billy Joel song
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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