I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
