She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
