She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
