the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
