Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
