party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
