I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
