I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
