you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
