im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
