his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
