Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
