i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
FUCK WHALES
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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