True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
