i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
