You're so nebulous sometimes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
