Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
