guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
