I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
