i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
