Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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