I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
