Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
